Bull Bashing
  • By Kee Thuan Chye

    The Tiger of Jelutong has died in a road accident. It happened at 1.10am this morning near Kampar on the North-South Expressway. He was on his way to Penang to represent a client in court. To practise the law as he had done for more than four decades. In army parlance, he died with his boots on.

    Karpal Singh would surely not have chosen to leave us this way, and would have wanted to continue fighting the great fight for the good of the nation which he did untiringly in politics, but we have to accept that at least he never stopped.

    He fought endlessly to uphold democracy and the Federal Constitution as a lawyer and a politician. And for his good work, they shut him away under the Internal Security Act (ISA), charged him with sedition, called him an enemy of Islam.

    But he leaves behind a legacy that not only his wife and children can be proud of, but all Malaysians as well.

    May he now rest in peace.

    Karpal had been nothing but fearless. When the Government did things

    Read More »from Death of a True Son of Malaysia
  • By Kee Thuan Chye

    So stupid! Think can bluff the people ah? The other day I read the Gahmen said it gave a contract to Konsortium Prohawk Sdn Bhd to build and maintain the Kuala Lumpur Women and Children’s Hospital. The contract is worth more than RM1.6 billion. Wah! Big big bucks, man! And it was given through direct tender.

    “Direct tender”? Never heard of it wor. So I tried Google. The phrase actually got, but I found only a few entries saying “direct tender” is about gahmen calling companies to bid for projects. I did see one about Zambia:

    According to sources at the ministry and Zambian firms that wanted to participate in the business, senior government officials allegedly received hefty bribes before awarding the direct tender to ZTE.

    Hahaha! So ngam hor the connection between “direct tender” and corruption?

    The more I Googled the more I got fed-up. And confused. It seems “direct tender” is used more for buying or selling. Anyway, not many people in Malaysia have heard of it

    Read More »from Gahmen Thinks Can Bullshit People with ‘Direct Tender’ ah?
  • By Kee Thuan Chye

    Last night, I dreamed I was a member of a firing squad. We served a body called the National Organisation Against Subversive Stupidity (NOASS) which was set up after the overthrow of the decayed regime. It was authorised to take charge of those convicted of breaking the new law against stupidity and have them … well, executed.

    My team and I were issued with orders to assemble at the No Free Cheese cow farm just a little before sunrise. Usually, the targets of our execution were petty officials or party division leaders, but this time, word got out that we would be shooting prominent people. We couldn’t wait.

    So far, my team and I had executed civil servants who bought refrigerators for their departments thinking they were filing cabinets, policemen who said they lost their patrol cars in the pantry, editors who ran stories of babies dumping their parents. But we had not yet encountered any of the bigwigs.

    This would be the day. We shook hands when we gathered and

    Read More »from I Was a Member of a Firing Squad
  • By Kee Thuan Chye

    I feel sad and ashamed that the foreign media is saying that Malaysia cannot be trusted in giving out information on MH370, that we don’t know what we are doing, that in saying the plane has crashed into the southern part of the Indian Ocean, our prime minister just wants to put the whole incident behind his government.

    The foreign media is making fun of us and calling us incompetent and irresponsible. It says that out of deference to us, we were allowed to handle the crisis but that has caused the progress in the search and rescue operation to be delayed by two weeks. Some journalists even say the prime minister’s announcement about the fate of the plane is a cover-up. How can we take that?

    The problem is, we might be able to fight back and challenge what the foreign media is saying if we could defend our government’s handling of the crisis, but can we? As ordinary citizens with no privileged insight into what is going on behind close doors, we see only the public

    Read More »from The Most Ridiculous Assumption about MH370
  • By Kee Thuan Chye

    The plot thickens, but this is no murder mystery for some novel or TV show. This is real life, and it concerns the lives of 239 people on board Malaysia Airlines plane MH370 that went missing about an hour after it took off from the Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KLIA) on March 8 bound for Beijing.

    Malaysia has already come under heavy international fire for its inept handling of the crisis so far, but now it’s going to face more flak for a couple of new untoward developments.

    On March 10, the director-general of the Department of Civil Aviation (DCA), Azharuddin Abdul Rahman, announced that five people checked into the flight but did not board it, and so their baggage was offloaded from the plane before it took off.

    He was quite precise. He said: “Every piece of baggage was recorded and given a unique serial number so that the correct baggage was removed from the aircraft.” He also said the baggage was “clean”.

    What exactly does “clean” mean? That the DCA

    Read More »from Who Can Believe Malaysia Now?
  • By Kee Thuan Chye

    The Government is being hit by criticism again, and this time not just from Malaysians but foreigners as well.

    Its handling of the case of the missing Malaysia Airlines plane MH370 bound for China from Kuala Lumpur is appalling. Instead of answering questions, it is provoking people to ask even more. Is it being cagey to cover up its own embarrassment for carelessly allowing the two men using stolen passports to board the plane? Or perhaps even more?

    At a press conference held last Sunday, a New York Times reporter asked the Director-General of the Department of Civil Aviation (DCA), Azharuddin Abdul Rahman, what the Malaysian authorities saw on a CCTV recording of the two impostors and the D-G replied he couldn’t disclose this because of “security reasons”. Was it really just that?

    As it turned out, we were told the next day that although the stolen passports carried Italian and Austrian names, the impostors looked Asian!

    It even prompted Home Minister Ahmad Zahid

    Read More »from Caucasian Names … Asian Faces … No, They’re Blacks! What’s Going On?
  •  

    By Kee Thuan Chye

    The buzz is all over town. And most probably outside of the country too. Opposition Leader Anwar Ibrahim has been found guilty by the Court of Appeal of sodomising Saiful Bukhari Azlan in 2008.

    The High Court acquitted him of the charge in January 2012, but the Attorney-General appealed. Now it looks like Anwar’s luck has run out. The famous Sodomy 2 case has caught up with him this time.

    The judge has sentenced him to five years’ imprisonment. Although Anwar’s lawyers have straight away filed notice of appeal to the Federal Court, his conviction should disqualify him from standing in the upcoming Kajang by-election, which had come about when the incumbent state assemblyman, Lee Chin Cheh, stepped down to actually pave the way for Anwar to contest – as part of the so-called Kajang Move engineered by PKR strategist Rafizi Ramli with the long-term view of possibly making Anwar menteri besar in order to prepare Selangor as the launchpad for Pakatan Rakyat to take

    Read More »from Sodomy II verdict a boon for Pakatan in Kajang
  • By Kee Thuan Chye

    There was once a scapedoe named No Fun
    Who found she had nowhere to run
    When the billy-goats trapped her
    And made her an offer
    To stare down the barrel of a gun.

    There was once an old tiger named Karpaw
    Who was hit on the face by an ass of a law.
    He roared for justice
    But the judge took no notice;
    Instead, he gave Karpaw a locked jaw.

    There was once a platoon of crazy old cocks
    Who were keen to expose their saggy buttocks
    To stand up for Big Mamee
    When she was laughed at supposedly
    For laying off Botox and shuttlecocks.

    There was once a sly lion who wanted to be head
    By replacing the incumbent who was said to be staid.
    But the incumbent wouldn’t quit
    And he was certainly no twit;
    He turned on the water and doused his rival’s parade.

    There was once a mean vulture named Tahik
    Whose record as a leader was kurang baik.
    But there was no one so brave
    Who dared to call him a knave,
    For their head might just end up adorning a pike.

    He sucked up the wealth of the city
    For himself, his pets and his

    Read More »from There Were Once These Political Animals
  • By Kee Thuan Chye

    What the hell is Zaid Ibrahim doing? He claims, in a Q&A with theSun, that he’s a Pakatan Rakyat supporter and yet he has declared his intention to stand in the upcoming Kajang by-election against Pakatan’s de facto leader, Anwar Ibrahim.

    This is downright contradictory. It also gives the impression that he might be trying to settle an old score with Anwar’s Parti Keadilan Rakyat (PKR), and even Anwar himself.

    Many of us would remember that in 2010, while he himself was a member of PKR, Zaid publicly criticised the party and sullied its image. He displayed his egotism by brazenly calling on Anwar to step down as PKR’s leader and offering himself as successor. “I’ll be a good leader,” he boasted. But the party didn’t entertain him and he quit, with much bile and fanfare, to start his own mosquito party, Kita (Parti Kesejahteraan Insan Tanah Air).

    He didn’t last long as Kita’s chief, quitting less than two years after he had founded it. During that time, he had a

    Read More »from With a ‘Supporter’ Like Zaid, Pakatan Needs No Enemies
  • By Kee Thuan Chye

    It all started with a slap threat.

    A Muslim group took exception to a satirical video produced by an Opposition MP who also appeared as a talk show host interviewing panelists played by actors, so they held a street protest and offered a RM1,200 reward to anyone who would slap the MP and show proof of having done it.

    The group alleged that through the video, the MP and her fellow party leaders had insulted the Government, the King, Islam and Malay dignity, but those who had seen the video swore there was nothing of that in it.

    Political observers said the group was mad for inciting violence. They called on the police to take action against the extremists.

    The home minister, however, said there was no need for that. He said offering money to slap someone was not a threat. He said, “If they had issued a death threat, then it would be a threat. Slapping is not.”

    Political observers believed that he responded this way because he was probably abused a lot as a child, and

    Read More »from The Saga of the Big Slap

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