There Were Once These Political Animals

By Kee Thuan Chye

There was once a scapedoe named No Fun

Who found she had nowhere to run

When the billy-goats trapped her

And made her an offer

To stare down the barrel of a gun.

There was once an old tiger named Karpaw

Who was hit on the face by an ass of a law.

He roared for justice

But the judge took no notice;

Instead, he gave Karpaw a locked jaw.

There was once a platoon of crazy old cocks

Who were keen to expose their saggy buttocks

To stand up for Big Mamee

When she was laughed at supposedly

For laying off Botox and shuttlecocks.

There was once a sly lion who wanted to be head

By replacing the incumbent who was said to be staid.

But the incumbent wouldn’t quit

And he was certainly no twit;

He turned on the water and doused his rival’s parade.

There was once a mean vulture named Tahik

Whose record as a leader was kurang baik.

But there was no one so brave

Who dared to call him a knave,

For their head might just end up adorning a pike.

He sucked up the wealth of the city

For himself, his pets and his family.

But the law wouldn’t stop it,

He made corruption legit,

So he wouldn’t even need immunity.

There was once a wee walrus named Whatda

Who behaved like he was high on mutha.

He wanted the world

But as developments unfurled,

He contracted a deal with Dark Vada.

The head of Dark Vada was a lame duck named Ahjib

Who was created by God out of Big Mamee’s rib.

He gave Whatda a quick rise

Much to everyone’s surprise,

But Whatda later cried he was screwed by the sahib.

Well, it served Whatda right for sleeping with the enemy;

It caused him to lose his wide-eyed virginity.

Then his ex-colleagues damned him

And his future looked damn dim,

But he got us to see frigging Ahjib’s frigidity.

Now the last verse is reserved for no one else but Ahjib,

The duck who was well known for telling fib after fib.

He could sell you his father,

Some said even his mother,

But when it came to Big Mamee, he’d be a tame, purring gib.

* Kee Thuan Chye is the author of the book The Elections Bullshit, available in bookstores.